Sunday, February 9, 2014
Waiting...
Monday, January 27, 2014
A Year Has Passed...Now What?
Before my cousin passed, there has already been many hard things for me to face in January's of the past and January 2013 was no different. It began with death and it ended in death last year. But I made a couple decisions of my life last January. I knew for so long I had been wasting away at a Job that was just that, a job. I needed a position closer to my field and closer to my heart. When I learned that Ani was a victim of domestic abuse in the worse way, I decided I needed to be a part of something to help women. With 2 Masters Degrees in Criminal Justice and still not able to work in my field due to lack of experience, I knew this had to change. So I told myself and those closest to me that I would seek a volunteer opportunity or apply for a entry level position, no matter the compensation into something in my field. I started looking at Women's organizations, Domestic Violence Groups, Rape and Sexual Assault Groups and Drug Abatement Programs. I began to send out emails and correspond with individuals asking how to get involved. This went on for a couple of months. I thought I would never get a chance to gain experience or even volunteer! It was rough , but then in May life began to change.
Someone sent me an email to apply for a job at a Women's Rehabilitation and Treatment Residential Facility. This was a place I had previously applied to over a year ago. So I figured, WHY NOT? I sent my info and left it to God. On June 1st, well early morning of the 2nd I received the greatest news God has ever delivered to me... it was sent via a test, I was Pregnant. Yup me, the girl who had resolved in my head I would never have children. Yes I had changed my mind when I met the man who changed my world in 2011, but we were so excited! We were pregnant and life had instantly changed. I knew that goodness was to follow.
We had received some bad news but I received some news from the above mentioned employer and they wanted me to come in for a group interview. I went and immediately received a call to accept employment. I put in notice and took a position in July finally at a place where I felt I was needed and mattered. I was a couple weeks into pregnancy and found out I was having a little girl! the pieces fell where God intended. I looked back over the first half of my year and knew that through the tragic event of losing my cousin, I got my life on track to somewhere it mattered. I am a person who believes that everything comes together when it should, no matter how hard and hurtful it may be for us. I would have wished that we wouldn't have to lose loved ones in any way to get on our path of life. But I hope everyday that the changes I have made make her smile. I wish I could have shared with her the last couple of months and heard her motherly advice or to have her come rub my tummy. I like to think that the women I have had the pleasure of working with through treatment , I have touched and changed their lives just a little. They do tell me that I have, I get emails and letters of appreciation and that fills my heart.
I am now 9 days away or less, from my Babygirl Savannah entering this world and I keep thinking of all the wonderful mother's in my family and among all my friends. I am blessed to have the support of so many people who love me and love her so much already! I have friends who span over this world who have showed up and shown out when it comes to my baby!!! I want to thank them all and let them know that yes in this last year my heart and my mind has changed so much! I have the love of a great man and soon we will be parents. Life may not be the easiest but damn we are doing okay when it comes to it. We will try our hardest to never let her experience some of things we have but we will encourage her to take her own path. I can't wait to show her off, show her pictures of everyone and let her grow into a wonderful Woman.
So just my thoughts today, January 27, 2014... just what I was thinking at the time.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Our Newest Angel : Anita M. "Anita Bee" Burgos-Brooks
And as Promised:
Anita Bee's Newest Website
Ani's Old Blog
Random Tangent (one of my favorite Poems by her)
Black Art: Dedication Poem to Anita Bee
And an Excerpt in her own words:
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Being in the right place
When I finally arrived there I thought nothing could be better. I loved my surroundings, living situation was good, I found a job within a month and knew I would soon apply for Masters programs to attend that Spring.
My life seemed to be going great, those first couple months. I didn't get homesick and I didn't really miss anyone that much. I was happy and free. I did have family nearby so they filled a big void I believe I would have had if they were not around. I soon gained a couple of close acquaintances, almost good friends. Then I went home to visit and I soon learned the only things that changed while I was gone ( I talked to my parents multiple times everyday, I did when I lived in Milwaukee and I do still), were peoples acceptance towards others, judgements they made on me leaving, and how old they were. So it made 3 things happen for me. 1- I don't ever wanna live there again ; 2- I need to prove how awesome I am & 3- I do miss my real at home friends! Them bitches know me best and I love and miss the Hell out of the way we interact.
I met great people which have since become great friends. They will never replace the friends I may have drifted from in transition or the memories I made growing up with them, but they still hold special places in framing who I've become. That I will never forget. They were there for me in a time I felt so alone, shared moments and experiences.
While living in Florida I thought I could fulfill many of my dreams there. I could see myself with a great career, nice house/condo, taking trips wherever and whenever and always having the warmth and ocean nearby. Sounds great, right? It was blissful. Yes I had some down moments but they made me want happiness that much more. In all that bliss I still felt, missing. I was lonely and bored, waiting for all these dreams to come true. I realized I'd sacrificed so much and still felt stuck in no where. People around me hadn't sacrificed a thing. They made more money, had more family time and were happy.
Then one day a simple conversation about a football game turned into a great conversation that spanned over days. From texts, emails, instant messenger combos, phone calls and even Skype. I met my match. The person that conversation didn't die. We had the smallest and weirdest of things in common. Our biggest downfall? He lived in Chicago, I was in Ft.Lauderdale. I never had a day feeling lonely since that conversation changed. A few short months after nonstop communication, seeing each other in person, we decided to move in together. The question was where? Although I loved Florida I never wanted homie to go through the mixed feelings I did leaving all I knew. So we decided it'd be best to move to suburban Chicago. Other factors applied as well.
My dreams started changing a little before that convo. I started wanting more in life. So when I started to change my dreams and the convo started it all fit. He fit. It all made sense to me. I love this man more than ever and different than I've ever loved someone anyone. I thought kids for me would only be nieces and nephews forever. With him I want to create little ones of our own. I want my mini me to look at him with the same eyes and say "Papi, I fell, make it better" and me say " I'm telling your father! ". I want to introduce him at my work Holiday party as my husband. I want wedding pictures on my desk and walls.
Do I think this would have happened if I never left Milwaukee? Probably. We were meant to be with each other. He is my everything. My other half. I'm in the right place, at the right time. As time goes on, I know that my right time and place is right where I am , as long as he is right next to me.
I love you Kareen.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Remembering
I am intelligent, beautiful, respectful, respected, intelligent and I can with stand anything. I am strong, full of confidence, able to take on the world. No one can take away my strength, perseverance, stride or my right to grow. I am ME. No one is better. I am not who I was yesterday, last year, 5 yrs ago, or even 15 yrs ago. I have taken control of my life. I make the decisions. I take the risks that determine who I will be tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will be strong, confident, fearless, resilient, trustworthy, respectful and ready. I will one day be a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I will always be a daughter, sister, niece, aunt and Godmother. My education can not be stolen from me, belittled or made inadequate. I will get there one day. I will be heard. I will be healed, I will remain me, through changes and my feet planted firmly on the ground.
I will not let your existence take away all I was, Am now or all I will be. I am strong. I am me.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
insight
"Sometimes in life, things will not go your way. You may feel like it will never get better, it as I am now, just in a bad place. Things may feel as though they are falling apart and I know they will get better, but I'm wondering how much worse they will get first. I'm trying to think and stay positive, but that has become so hard. Like everyone else I want the hardship to stop NOW! I want to feel better inside and out. I want to want to have the bad things fixed and I want to stay strong through it all. But right now, I'm tired and sad. Life will get better. I will try to stop worrying and look for a solution. Feeling scattered and bored, being out of control is rough for me. "
This was my thinking end of September when things seemed so out of reach and hectic in my mind. Now I'm much better in mind and body...
Sunday, July 29, 2012
B*tches Ain't Sh*t
1. Other people's business (i.e. Let me tell you about...) - So they always want to tell about someone else's business and it's never first hand, it's always passed from some where else they heard it, their assumptions and/or make believe to just being listened to.
2. They never do wrong (i.e. I would never do...) - Always better than you, they will always say how they will never do anything trifling or scandalous, all the while thinking in their head how they just finished doing something that meets both. which leads me to the next point.
3. Contradiction (i.e. You shouldn't but I did) - While they judge you cause they can't do any wrong, when you bring something interesting to their attention that they may not have done before, they will. They will do it after they told you how wrong it was.Or they will tell how stupid you are for taking back your significant other or being someones side piece, because they already did it and don't do it anymore or just haven't in a while.
4. Running that mouth (i.e. you ain't gonna) - run their mouth about what you or anyone else ain't gonna do to them, but the moment the time arises they be quiet. lol
5. Never see the other side (i.e. But what I'm saying is...) - you can try to keep a bitch as a friend but when you are trying to speak to them about life or even their life and you have a disagreement, they will keep doing #2, 3 & 4 all while saying "but what I'm saying is..." cause they will not see what you're trying to advise them on.
6. Even educated hoes are ignorant, maybe worse (i.e. I'm educated Boo Boo) - they will utilize some of the verbal communication skills they feel they have learned and do bitch things while thinking because they got a degree in something (more likely something meaningless), they can argue about any and everything you disagree with them on.
7. Not all Bitches are women (as I stated earlier) - some men make the worst Bitches. They think because they have a dick and balls they ain't being bitches, some of their friends will call them haters or whatever else. Yeah no, they are bitches too.
8. OPP (i.e. S/He wasn't happy) - They will seek out other people's belongings or get involved with someone they know is with someone else and they have no intention of leaving them. They will tell their friends how it isn't wrong because "obviously they aren't being kept happy at home". My usual response is "and you think they are happy now with you, even though they ain't leaving the person they are with" or "so you think if they leave they will be happy with you?"
9. Excuses (i.e. I did it because) - They will have so many excuses for everything they do because of #2,5, 6, 8 and soon you'll see 10. it's their only way to sleep at night, they think they have justified all the bitch shit they do.
10. Entitled (i.e. I deserve it all ) - Sometime in their life no one told them No, instead it was "oh you're so pretty, of course" or "such a strong boy, here you are". Not that there is anything wrong with giving confidence to young children but some of them turn it into being more than spoiled, they feel entitled and become bitches.
If you notice these qualities in yourself take a step back, no excuses and think of how you look and sound to your friends when you act like this. NOW STOP!!! We all have bitch moments. Some of us realize the ways and choose to stop. Others notice the ways and figure it is their normal life and they only want to live that way, those are the Bitches to stay away from.
Did I miss any?