I can't believe it has been a year since the last time I took time to write. A lot has been going on since the last blog of sadness and despair. I'm hoping this blog isn't as sad. SO a year ago today, I received the disturbing news that my beautiful younger cousin Ani was murdered by her husband. This was beyond devastating news. Although God called our Angel home a littler sooner than we wanted she will forever be missed and cherished for the times we spent. I miss her pretty smile and her wonderful words. Especially when all days of this last year went by and I just wish she could hug me now.
Before my cousin passed, there has already been many hard things for me to face in January's of the past and January 2013 was no different. It began with death and it ended in death last year. But I made a couple decisions of my life last January. I knew for so long I had been wasting away at a Job that was just that, a job. I needed a position closer to my field and closer to my heart. When I learned that Ani was a victim of domestic abuse in the worse way, I decided I needed to be a part of something to help women. With 2 Masters Degrees in Criminal Justice and still not able to work in my field due to lack of experience, I knew this had to change. So I told myself and those closest to me that I would seek a volunteer opportunity or apply for a entry level position, no matter the compensation into something in my field. I started looking at Women's organizations, Domestic Violence Groups, Rape and Sexual Assault Groups and Drug Abatement Programs. I began to send out emails and correspond with individuals asking how to get involved. This went on for a couple of months. I thought I would never get a chance to gain experience or even volunteer! It was rough , but then in May life began to change.
Someone sent me an email to apply for a job at a Women's Rehabilitation and Treatment Residential Facility. This was a place I had previously applied to over a year ago. So I figured, WHY NOT? I sent my info and left it to God. On June 1st, well early morning of the 2nd I received the greatest news God has ever delivered to me... it was sent via a test, I was Pregnant. Yup me, the girl who had resolved in my head I would never have children. Yes I had changed my mind when I met the man who changed my world in 2011, but we were so excited! We were pregnant and life had instantly changed. I knew that goodness was to follow.
We had received some bad news but I received some news from the above mentioned employer and they wanted me to come in for a group interview. I went and immediately received a call to accept employment. I put in notice and took a position in July finally at a place where I felt I was needed and mattered. I was a couple weeks into pregnancy and found out I was having a little girl! the pieces fell where God intended. I looked back over the first half of my year and knew that through the tragic event of losing my cousin, I got my life on track to somewhere it mattered. I am a person who believes that everything comes together when it should, no matter how hard and hurtful it may be for us. I would have wished that we wouldn't have to lose loved ones in any way to get on our path of life. But I hope everyday that the changes I have made make her smile. I wish I could have shared with her the last couple of months and heard her motherly advice or to have her come rub my tummy. I like to think that the women I have had the pleasure of working with through treatment , I have touched and changed their lives just a little. They do tell me that I have, I get emails and letters of appreciation and that fills my heart.
I am now 9 days away or less, from my Babygirl Savannah entering this world and I keep thinking of all the wonderful mother's in my family and among all my friends. I am blessed to have the support of so many people who love me and love her so much already! I have friends who span over this world who have showed up and shown out when it comes to my baby!!! I want to thank them all and let them know that yes in this last year my heart and my mind has changed so much! I have the love of a great man and soon we will be parents. Life may not be the easiest but damn we are doing okay when it comes to it. We will try our hardest to never let her experience some of things we have but we will encourage her to take her own path. I can't wait to show her off, show her pictures of everyone and let her grow into a wonderful Woman.
So just my thoughts today, January 27, 2014... just what I was thinking at the time.
